Do These Sunglasses Make My Head Look Big?

I've never had to deal with such a bright sun. Before, I was always in rain forests where you can't even see the sun because there are too many trees. But here in Florida, there are a lot less trees. So I had to go get some sunglasses, and I didn't realize how hard it was to find a pair. There are too many styles to choose from: aviators, cat eye, wayfarer, sport, big, small, way too many. And then the lenses—what do I choose? Do I really need polarizing? Or can I just go with the regular UV? And what does this all even mean? But the worst part was finding one that fit your face just right and was the perfect color. Shopping for sunglasses is exhausting.

Do I even need sunglasses? It rains here most of the time anyways, and I'm usually never outside. I should just get a hat or something. Maybe I could make banana sunglasses. Would that even work? Or I could just eat more bananas. I'm pretty sure they're good for your eyes, I mean they're good for the soul and they're pretty much the same thing. I need a banana.